The Divorce Hole – The first step to getting out

2018-01-10T18:10:43+00:00

“If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.” From Normal is Just a Setting on the Dryer by Adair Lara

Sometimes divorce is like one big giant hole and you are in the bottom digging away … and if you’re like me, probably sobbing harder and harder the deeper you go. The mental picture that could go along with the thought above could show a hole with a giant pile of dirt beside it and all you can see is a white flag tied to a stick waving from out of the hole. The message: Give up! Stop digging!

Think about this: While you’re digging in your dirty, cramped, slimy hole your wasband and his girlfiend are probably out having a wonderful time somewhere. You can’t do one single solitary thing about that. But you can get out of your hole. You can start creating a wonderful time of your own.

At the first of my divorce journey, I was just so incredibly sad about the whole thing I could hardly function. Eventually, I started getting mad. I thought, “He can do whatever ugly, selfish, hurtful, abominable thing he wants to do, but I’m not going to let his bad behavior ruin MY life. He is the one who should be in the hole, not me!” And do you know what? He will be eventually.

As much as it seems like his life is all sweetness and light, God always holds everyone accountable for their actions and sets the record straight eventually. If you have a Bible, read the whole chapter of Psalm 37. Or Google it in The Living Bible.  One part reads like this: “ Never envy the wicked!  Soon they fade away like grass and disappear.  Trust in the Lord instead.  Be kind and good to others; then you will live safely here in the land and prosper, feeding in safety.” The catch to that verse is that it applies to you, and me too. Don’t be brought down by someone else’s actions. Stand up! Trust God! Do right!

Stop digging in that hole and be the person God made you to be. Let God take care of putting people in their proper places. He will, so stop worrying about that and just make sure you are not still digging your way in the bottomless pity pit of nothing good! Stand in the light! Get out of the hole everybody sees you in.  Shine like the noonday sun!

“Commit everything you do to the Lord.  Trust him to help you do it and he will. Your innocence will be clear to everyone.  He will vindicate you with the blazing light of justice shining down as from the noonday sun. ~ Psalm 37:5-6 (The Living Bible)

 

About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.

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