“Don’t assume that everyone can be your friend. Five close friends who are in it for the long haul are worth a hundred acquaintances.” ~ Adair Lara, NORMAL is just a SETTING on the DRYER
A True Friend Is A Rare Blessing
Five is a fairly high number for close friends. I read a study that says if you have one or two really close friends, you are fortunate.
Friendship takes commitment, time and energy. But having and being a friend is not only one of life’s great pleasures, but it is a survival tool as well. When we are feeling weak and discouraged or depressed, a friend can mean all the difference in the world.
During divorce, some of our friendships change. Some will grow stronger than they have ever been, but others may completely dissipate.
“Couple friends” for example, often don’t know how to handle a divorce. Usually they try to be loyal to both you and your wasband. They probably don’t know the real story of what happened, so they try not to take sides, and sometimes they hesitate to call either of you. Some call both. Remember to have grace with your friends, but the divorce can be hard for them to navigate as well!
Finding a Support System
The people that decide to lock arms with us through the messy and ugly of a divorce are true friends. They are the ones that we can call at 2 am. They are the ones to hang on to and cultivate.
It may be a sister or brother, or a neighbor or maybe someone from church. Sometimes you develop a new friend in a support group through this shared suffering. Let them help. Tell them you need their support. Be honest. It’s okay to need someone.
How To Be a Supportive Friend
There are many ways to help support someone going through a divorce. Simply asking what would help her feel most cared for is a great place to start. One of the first RADiCAL women had a friend who came over and helped get her children off to school every morning. Friends of mine sent cards and called and met me for coffee.
Suffering makes us more sensitive to the struggles of others, and can be a beautiful opportunity for growth in a friendship as you serve, love and care for one another.
“Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel.” ~ Proverbs 27:9 (NIV)