“The future isn’t what it used to be.” ~ Yogi Berra
I’m sure Yogi Berra made the above statement to be funny. And to a normal person whose life is humming along, it would be. But in the early stages of my midlife divorce, that statement would have brought me to tears.
When Plans Change
One of the things that most distressed me about my divorce was that my future was going to be completely different than I had planned. The minute the divorce was final, my future changed dramatically. And in that moment my outlook was devastatingly negative and unhopeful.
I wasn’t supposed to be alone. I wanted my plans… growing old with my husband, taking care of our grandchildren together, traveling the world.
It was agonizing for me to keep playing “that future” out in my mind, because it was no longer my future. No one likes change, especially change that is forced upon us. We all want to coast blissfully off into the sunset.
If there is one thing that I’ve been assured of through my midlife divorce, it’s that you’re not going to coast anywhere. And that’s okay. The people who are purposely involved in life never coast anyway. Life is too invigorating for that.
It Can Be Better
The challenges of life make the new future possible. And you know what? My future has never looked brighter!
I am excited to get up every single day. I live with a purpose, and I see life with brand new eyes. My children are catching the excitement. I’m relating to my grandchildren in fun, new ways. My friends (believe it or not) seem a bit awed by my new purpose and energy.
So accept the fact, that as Yogi says, “The future isn’t what it used to be.” It can be better!
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ~ Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
Love this post!!! It’s taken me almost 5 years, but i’m about 90% there and so very thankful for my new unplanned life!!
Thank you Suzy for your posts! I’ve read them all and they have helped me more than I could every say…
Thank you again!!
Thanks Suzy! It was so great to read and remember how far I’ve come since I felt the way you described. My life feels like I’m myself again. My wasband may not be in my life anymore and he may not be sharing the dreams I had together but I still get most of what I dreamed. I still get to enjoy my adult children and the children they will have one day. I still get to travel the world. And I still get to enjoy the season in life without kids at home and much less responsibility.
It takes time to heal and allow your own self to emerge from the ruins even when you initiated the split or maybe it’s even harder when it was your doing because you can’t put the blame on someone or play his ‘victim’. You have to accept responsibility. I still deal with my envy of those whose marriages seem like the one I dreamed about although I know now that with my ex it wasn’t going to ever reach that ‘dream’ stage. The future really is in God’s hands always. Meanwhile, life becomes richer every day. That dream is strong though… that I will find love that endures and assures me that I did the right thing by opening up that sacred space next to me for someone who will share love in the world and all its beauty.