The Secret to Surviving Divorce

The Secret to Surviving Divorce

2018-01-10T18:10:48+00:00

The selection below was shared by a RADiCAL Woman in the MDRcommunity.  I think it’s perfect for learning how to not only survive divorce, but to truly Rise Above Divorce In Confidence and Love which is what RADiCAL means.

There is no situation you will ever face that will change so many things in your life all at once than divorce …. especially after you’ve been married a significant amount of time.  Physical change is forced upon you, but the mental and emotional and even spiritual change doesn’t happen like that.

Here is what BriarRose (her RADiCAL name) shared in the community a few days ago and in it lies the secret to not just divorce recovery, but to life in general.  This is taken from a book entitled One Feather at a Time by Kimball Brooks.  It has a powerful message for all of us no matter what we are facing today.

“It was spring and I was a patient in an alcoholic rehabilitation center.  I had been there one week and I was terrified, lonely and confused.  I could not bear the thought that I could never drink again.  (In our situation, think: that I could never have my marriage back)  I was told that I had to change everything about the way I perceived my life.   Over and over again, I heard that I had to change my attitude and find a God of my understanding.

There was a large pond on the grounds of the center.  It was home for several geese families.  Each day during our free time, I went there to walk and try to make sense of what was happening to me.  I was drawn to this pond , although I didn’t know why.  My heart was so heavy and full of fear that I could never make all of these changes.

One day, as I walked around the pond with my head down, I saw a feather on the ground before me.  The tip of the feather was black.  The feather gradually turned to gray and then to white, with soft down tufts at the quill end.

Suddenly a new thought came to me:  Maybe I didn’t have to change abruptly.  Like the feather, I, too, could grow from the darkness into the light gradually.  For the First time, I understood the concept I’d heard repeatedly, that is the cornerstone of recovering alcoholics everywhere — one day at a time.  For the first time, I had a feeling of hope that I could actually change and accept a life without drinking.  (Without my wasband).  

I still have that feather as a reminder.  I have put those “one day at a time” days into fifteen years, and my soul is as soft and peaceful as that white down on my feather.”

These words have a powerful message for us today.  Even though our life circumstances change in the blink of an eye, even though divorce changes everything about our day to day life, our job is to embrace that change one day at a time.   Sometimes one hour at a time.  You can decide in this moment how you will deal with this moment.  That’s all we have to do and we can always choose a good thing in this moment.

Let’s all make this one day beautiful.  Living in the moment like that is the most rewarding way to live.  We may have been forced into realizing that, but it can make our life wonderfully rich and full and beautiful.

 

About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.