Letting Go Of The Past After Divorce


“Things never were ‘the way they used to be.’ Things never will be ‘the way it’s going to be someday.’ Things are always just the way they are for the time being. And the time being is always in motion.” ~ Alexander Evangeli Xenopouloudakis, character in a novel by Robert Fulgham

Replaying The Past

We tend to romanticize our past. We remember the good things, and forget the hard ones. And before you know it, we find ourselves wishing we could turn back the clock and return to a reality which we have created.

During my divorce, I would often replay events of my past over and over again in my mind. There were some things that truly were wonderful. I loved most parts of my life.

But there were things, too, that were definitely not good. Things I accepted that I shouldn’t have. Things that could have been done a lot better.

Letting Go After Divorce

Regardless of what it looked like, the past has passed. We can’t do one thing to change it, now. But what we can do is learn from our successes and our mistakes.

We move forward to another day, and we can take those lessons into the present. But all of us, divorced or not, have to leave the past behind.

The Present

In our effort to leave the past behind, we can sometimes put too much emphasis on the future, which feels uncertain and scary. What if, instead of looking backward or ahead, we decided to be present in the moment at hand. What are we being right now?

Let’s be thankful for today. You get to choose how your day will be. Don’t let it be filled with remorse and regret. Choose hope and joy. Choose to do something good. Choose to be kind to yourself and others.

“This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.” ~ Psalm 118:24 (NIV)

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About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.


  1. Deborah August 17, 2016 at 10:23 am - Reply

    Love this I’ve been reading a lot of your post an it’s help me while I’m dealing with my divow

  2. Kathy August 18, 2016 at 12:38 am - Reply

    I love these posts , keep them coming .i am truly looking forward to the next one .

  3. Erin March 17, 2017 at 4:53 pm - Reply

    Beautifully written Suzy. Letting go is so hard but so necessary to move forward.

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