Leaving The Battlefield Of Divorce

Leaving The Battlefield Of Divorce


“When you find yourself in a useless battle, walk off the battlefield.” ~ Hugh Prather, The Little Book of Letting Go

His Mind Was Made Up

Hugh’s comment above is very helpful. I know during my midlife divorce struggle, I fought so many unnecessary battles.

I thought if I just said the right words or did the right things or talked loudly enough, my then-husband would understand, would see how many people he was hurting, and would finally come to his senses.

But the reality was that I was spitting into the wind. My words meant nothing. His mind was made up. His course had been charted. His decisions made, and he was busy clothing those decisions in words and excuses that would make his actions acceptable, not only to himself, but to our friends, our children, other family members and anyone else who would listen.

Give Up The Fight

The fact was, I should have walked off the battlefield on many occasions instead of engaging in a war that I could never win. Letting go means realizing that the real battle is out of our hands. It’s sometimes hard to come to grips with the fact that our pleas and tears and words (no matter how loud) have no influence.

Engaging in an already decided battle only makes us look bad. One thing that really helped me was simply handing over the battles I couldn’t win to God. I would say, “God, this is your battle. You do your stuff. I’ve tried and it didn’t work. I am leaving the battlefield.”

It’s amazing how your disconnect often has more impact on your wasband that all the words you would ever say to him.  Let him fight on in his own little battles.  When you leave the field, he begins to look selfish and small, not only to you, but to everyone else as well.”

” … the battle belongs to the Lord.” ~ I Samuel 17:47a (NIV)

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About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.