“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” ~ Ann Landers
Holding Out Hope
I have a feeling that a lot of you are just like me. Your marriage has become unendurable, yet you still don’t want to give up on it. The divorce process has begun, but you are still holding out hope that things may work out.
I was still hoping for a miracle, right up until the moment I signed the papers saying we were officially divorced. Even while sitting in the courtroom, I imagined him walking over to me and saying, “Let’s just go home and work this out.” …But it didn’t happen.
When It’s Time
Everyone on this journey eventually comes to the unfortunate realization that you have to let go. You cannot make your ex stay in a marriage that he is determined to leave.
Once you see clearly that you have exhausted all of your efforts… given him every chance … and have prayed all the prayers you can muster, and he still wants to leave, you will know it is time to move on.
Hope Amidst The Pain
Fully mourn what you have lost. Cry as many tears as it takes. But let me reassure you that God is working even now, in the midst of your sorrow and pain. Your life can absolutely be full of good things again. Good relationships. Good experiences. Good life. Good love all around.
The midlife divorce recovery struggle is not easy. In fact, it will be one of the most difficult things you will face in your lifetime. But when you emerge stronger, more beautiful and more full of joy on the other side, you will understand when I say that your new life can be beyond your wildest dreams. Hold on to it. You, too, will understand how true that statement is someday.
It’s so true and I never would have believed it! Honestly, the freedom I have because I didn’t want to live under the shroud of sadness, bitterness and anger is a gift from God!
True Confession. I can relate a lot to you. Great Article. Aiming your focus on the positive side of divorce can be a very difficult thing to do. I know, because I’ve been there. Even though I was the one who filed the papers after my ex-husband had left to pursue his new life with his new partner — it took me more than two years to do it. When you split up, you may find it very hard to let go of your ex-partner. This often happens when one partner is keener to end a relationship than the other.
I feel like I’m dying. A 20 year relationship just walked out the door 2 months ago on me and my 3 children. I want my dreams, my hope and my life back, but I was with him more than I was without him. I don’t know how to stand on my own two feet. I don’t know how to lift the the shroud of sadness when I feel like I’m walking alone in this.
My husband of just a couple of years just found out that his cancer is back. He’s decided he doesn’t want to put me through the surgeries and chemo treatment again so he’s decided that he wants to be alone. This is my second marriage. I’m so much older now and don’t know how to start over much less let go of him in this difficult time for him. He’s gone to a lawyer and made me agree to an uncontested divorce so we don’t have to pay lawyers and get it over with quickly. I want to be there for him and he still lives here with me, and I’m heartbroken that he wants to go thru this alone. I don’t know what to do. I can’t sleep anymore and feel like my heart is broken.