Valentine’s Day After Divorce


Okay, it’s almost Valentine’s Day and your Valentine is gone.  Or your ex-valentine has a valentine of his own, and it isn’t you.   How do you handle all that rage, bitterness, and if you’re honest … the desperate sadness you may feel on Valentine’s Day after divorce?

You could be like the millennials and younger who are starting Anti-Valentine’s Day events like Luv Sux and The Bitter Ball.  Or you can bravely sign up for a MeetUp Singles Valentine Day Dance and go, even though I can’t think of anything I’d rather not do.  But maybe that’s just me, and I have no sense of adventure.

Here’s how one of my first St. Valentine’s Days after divorce started out:

On February 14th, I was scheduled for a workout at the gym with my personal trainer.  Of course, there were last minute gift suggestions in the paper that morning as I ate breakfast … and on the way to the gym more prodding from the voice on the radio to buy something red or sexy or sweet.  At the stop light, A local florist’s delivery truck stopped beside me full of balloon and floral bouquets to dozens of people who actually had a valentine.  There were red roses on the counter as I wrote my name on the sign in sheet at the front desk.  Little shiny heart confetti was sprinkled around.

By the time my trainer got there I was trying hard to keep my quiet tears from turning into heaving sobs.  I kept thinking about the last Valentine’s Day when my wasband’s girlfriend told me what he had bought her for that special day.

Before even one trip around the circuit trainer, I turned around, walked to my car and drove back home crying and mad at myself for letting this dumb, stupid, commercialized day of love get to me like that. 

Even the most stoic of us doesn’t want to be the kid with no valentines in the carefully-decorated, ever-hopeful box.  (I guess that’s illegal these days …. at school everyone gets exactly the same number of valentines unless you can sneak in a special card to your secret love without the teacher — or any of the kids — catching you!) You don’t get guarantees in real life.

So, what do we do with Valentine’s Day after divorce?

There are lots of things like celebrating love itself instead of a particular lover.  Do something nice for yourself or for a family member or friend …. or even your pet.

But here’s something really cool you can do for yourself.  Sign up for the MasterPlan Divorce Recovery Program, which includes monthly membership to the MDR Community. Connect with a whole bunch of other RADiCAL women who get how you’re feeling.  RADiCAL women who tell their stories of rebuilding their own lives.  Experts will share their knowledge and give you tools to move forward.  Most likely you’ll cry, you’ll laugh … but most important you’ll be encouraged and inspired and you’ll fast forward your recovery.

You deserve this!! This might be the most important Valentine’s Day of your life.  A day of transformation and rejuvenation and a chance to finally say to your ex, “I’m done with obsessing about you!  I’m done sobbing and screaming.  If you’re dumb enough to leave, I’m going to be smart enough to let you go and say, “Good riddance!  I deserve someone better!”

In honor of Valentine’s Day, give him the proverbial finger and sign up today!  I’m living proof that your new life can be amazing and we can help you get there!

About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.

One Comment

  1. Linda McMar February 6, 2015 at 11:11 pm - Reply

    Hi Suzie – I believe finding your website was providential. After almost 25 years of marriage, although a difficult one, my wasband called from a business trip and said he “was done.” Within 2 months, my marriage was over. As a stay-at–home homeschooling mom for most of that, I have experienced a culture shock. Not just in my identity, but culturally. We’d moved 18 times in 25 years due to his work (2 countries and 5 states). I’m now living in a place so foreign to me culturally but at one of my lowest points, I came across your website.

    Your encouragement that I “Will get through this” and will be joyful again spoke volumes to me. I have 5 beautiful children (ages 23 to 17) who I am so proud of. Their dad has left the country (again) so it’s almost as if he’s dead. I’m sure you’ve heard so many of these types of stories so I won’t elaborate.

    Just wanted to say thank you for your website and if I were closer, I’d definitely join you for your valentines weekend. Personally, I spent many valentines alone (either emotionally of physically) so this isn’t a difficult holiday for me, unlike Christmas and Easter; He was an ordained pastor…go figure!

    God bless you and your efforts to encourage those of us in this season of our life.


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