Warrior Women


“Either you let your life slip away by not doing the things you want to do, or you get up and do them.”   Carl Ally (Hard-hitting, high-flying advertising guru)

In a Book about creativity called “A Kick in the Seat of the Pants,” author Roger von Oech talks about the Warrior in each of us. The Warrior in us is the action part of who we are. The Warrior takes an idea, a “what if,” and makes it happen. A Warrior is bold. A Warrior is confident and follows through with her course of action. Today, I’m going to visualize myself as a Warrior. In fact, in my book, Radical Recovery, I talk about becoming a Warrior Woman.

Let’s set a goal and go after it. Whether it’s to get in better shape, or go back to school, or get some job training for a new work opportunity, or to just grab hold of a new interest we have discovered, let’s quit prissing around and do something today to make it happen.  And do something tomorrow and the next day. I’ve found that if a goal also has the merit of being good for us or good for our community or good for someone, it’s easier to get motivated to get moving.

A Warrior Woman doesn’t just sit around wishing things were different or better. She MAKES them better …. so let’s all be Warrior Women today about something. About something good. Like Dr. Barrie Director of Christian Psychological Services in Lawrence, KS said at a Kansas City RADiCAL Boot Camp, “Imagine yourself with a machete in your hand and cut your path!” Our midlife divorce instead of being a great catastrophe, might be just the motivation we need to accomplish things we never thought possible!

And remember this:  ” … the Lord is with me like a mighty warrior …”   Jeremiah 20:11a  and this one, too:  “The battle belongs to the Lord.”

We have God himself to give us courage.  And a whole “army” full of other RADiCAL women to stand with us.  Those to facts alone should propel us forward as Warrior Women ourselves.  Don’t forget to try the WonderWoman pose we talked about in the blog yesterday.  Take up as much space as you can for two minutes:  Hands on your hips; legs shoulder-width apart, shoulders back, head up.  Take some deep breaths and take advantage of all the support you have within and without.  Feel the anxiety be released.  Feel the power  and courage take it’s place.  Then go boldly forward.

I want to ask you begin your training now! Write down the kind of woman you are going to be in the comment section below. It’s important to start thinking in terms of what you want to be and who you want to be.

And you must ban all those Naughty, Naughty words from your vocabulary… I can’t…I shouldn’t…I’m worried that … I fear that … I doubt that … I don’t believe that … Never … No way … Impossible.”

That’s from Enough, Dammit: A cynic’s guide to finally getting what you want out of life.
By Karen Salmansohn.

Do it! Tell us what you want to get out of your life!

About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.


  1. elaine April 15, 2016 at 9:02 pm - Reply

    I am trying to learn to be more self confident! I need to set that example for my daughters. I have got to stop second guessing myself and my abilities. I am mostly learning to gain confidence in finances and home repair projects. Especially finances, now I have to make decisions alone, without someone to bounce them off of. Not that ex was very good at it, but now I have to make sure I am on the right path, since it’s up to me to support the house and the five us us. Me and four kids, one son, and three daughters.

  2. Tuna4 (Lisa) May 10, 2016 at 1:06 pm - Reply

    I keep being told I come across as this extremely self confident woman– my goal is to actually FEEL confident in every step I take- no more what ifs, no more -but–, no more I’m scared if it doesn’t work. I’m going to take the bull by the horns and just do it. My daughter lives by the philosophy that: ” life is an adventure so go explore”– I’m going to try to live like that along with motto that life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

  3. Kelley Elisabeth-Fisher May 15, 2016 at 9:40 pm - Reply

    I love he 10% happens to us….90% how we react. It is so true but difficult to fully embrace individually. I am not sure what kind of warrior woman I wish to be just yet, although I am two classes away from completing my two year educational goals, qualifying me to reenter the job market and teach English. It has been a difficult and lifesaving journey during this divorce nightmare. Keep moving forward ladies, we have so much more to experience, share and give in life. ling healthy is the only way we can appreciate our future selves.
    Thank you Suzy for the guidance to you provide in order to tread this path with others and not get as lost:)


  4. Sandra November 3, 2016 at 1:27 am - Reply

    After 14 months I feel like my “self” is finally emerging. There is so much about my life that I am enjoying again with real excitement. Perhaps that is another reason for my anger because the divorce not only impacted change in my external world, it also influenced my internal dreams and happiness. I feel like I am enjoying life again. This time though, I am enjoying them solely for me. My ex took the company that we had built, and now I get an opportunity to build something for myself that no one can ever take again. Money, career, family, friends, and activities are now all about me and my personal success. It’s a wonderful feeling to build for myself and by myself because I am worth all that I can create.
    Thanks Suzy for having the strength to create and the wisdom to share with all of us. You are certainly an inspiration of what the next chapter can be like.
    We are all limited only by our resistance to dream bigger.

  5. Mindy July 7, 2017 at 4:40 pm - Reply

    I left an abusive marriage after almost 30 years. All I’ve ever known during that time is how to be controlled by someone else. I want to take control of my life again! I struggle everyday but I am working on becoming a stronger woman! I want to be a warrior! It’s time to take my life back!

    • HikerGirl March 18, 2019 at 5:57 pm - Reply

      A very good hiking friend tells me on the many times I freak out, get overwhelmed by daily life or a mountain/desert section I deem “sketchy”, that FEAR is False Expectations Appearing Real and we worry about 90% of things that will never happen, and the other 10% aren’t as bad as we think anyways.

      I started hiking to heal both physically and mentally during this horrible midlife divorce and because I am brain injured and people and life in general really stress me out. We do remote stuff, and many times the cross country routes we go look like “OMG! There is NO way! It is a sheer cliff/too steep/too loose, etc. But when we get there it is always doable, sometimes scary, often slow and cautiously for me, but doable. And it helps so much and makes for great photos where friends say, “OMG!!!! You did WHAT???? That’s CRAZY!” and I smile and it makes me feel so good. It has helped me so much in dealing with a really, really awful and viciously contentious ex.

  6. Sharon Aldrine April 20, 2018 at 6:23 pm - Reply

    I got divorced last July after 40 years of being married to a narcissist sociopath. I don’t feel like being anything or doing anything as my X has turned family against me with a smear campaign.
    Just don’t feel like I know what to do or when to do it anymore. Belong to a Diviorce Care Group, have been seeing a therapist since last May 1st.
    Blong to a Bible Study class. Do good, then he starts his stuff again against me. He and his fiancé even filed false assault charges against me.
    I am so devastated as did everything for this jerk more than for anybody else with more than half my life. The pain he is causing me and I am letting it is unbearable. I know he is a p

    • Myra March 4, 2019 at 2:30 pm - Reply

      Hi Sharon,
      I do not think anyone can quite understand how it is to live with a narcissist. They seem to want to drain every speck of self respect you have from you. My husband told me when we parted “You are a really good person, and you are smart and intelligent” However, he spent 30 years telling me and my children how unaffected, dumb and incompetent I was. I am really glad to be free of him but even as an accomplished woman in my own right, I wanted his acknowledgement of it, but never could get it. I guess once he got the new girlfriend, he was able to tell me. However, I no longer believe anything he tells me. The worst part is that I respected this man. I have very little respect for him now as he got this new girlfriend when we were still together, married. He lied, cheated and more.

    • Kris May 27, 2019 at 12:30 pm - Reply

      Oh my gosh! Your story sounds almost exactly as mine!! I was with him for a total of 43 years.

      He didn’t appear to be narcissistic until about 13 years ago.

      He would not cooperate with my attorney by sending her requested documents and stopped giving me access to his income. So, I was forced to file for divorce rather than pursue a dissolution.

      He is livid not and has turned my adult daughter and her new husband against me. She did not wish me a happy Mother’s Day and won’t answer my texts. My son, however, is being very loving toward me.

      I see you submitted your post back in 4/8. I’m having a very difficult time. If you have time, can you share with me any coping techniques that have worked for you?

      I pray that you ate on or have walked a road toward healing. Thank you!

  7. Tanya October 12, 2018 at 5:03 pm - Reply

    I was married for 15 years.I am 13 month after my ex abandoned me and left to live with his much younger girlfriend. I was doing much better, but allowed him to come back….He left again and my wounds open again….But this time I make a decision never trust him again and become stronger woman. I want to respect myself and learn to live and enjoy life as a single person. I am going to fight for myself!

  8. laura holz December 2, 2018 at 12:55 pm - Reply

    I was with my ex for 27years. The truth is I was more confident and felt more in control of my life while WITH HIM. now I am weak, cry often, fearful, terrible with financial decisions, lost me relationship with my daughter cause I dwell on the divorce, procrastinate, and depressed. I go to counseling, AA, and have read many self help books. I want my marriage back honestly. Everyone says to move forward,it will be alright, find yourself, and forget about the ex. My trouble is also the quilt and shame I have for letting my children down with this divorce. Grown or not they have suffered especially my son. I get up each day and pray. I go to work. Take care of my grandma weekly and I am a little bit of a mom to my son while my ex is living a new life without me, a new job, new house, new town, and he has thanked me for being a good wife, mother, and teacher. This lady is lost with sadness and pain

  9. Theresa December 22, 2018 at 2:53 am - Reply

    Married for 32, divorced for 5. Highly conflictual due to money and children. Many days, I call it, “ the divorce that just keeps taking”. Those are the days that I have given in.

    On the days that I am honoring myself, I am faithful to meditating, to calling friends and to replacing my self pity with service to others. To turn my hurt into zestful care for my children, elders, friends. I volunteer, I throw the neighborhood Christmas party, I make sure to buy something my daughter in law will love when we have lunch. Not expensive ventures but ways to keep my time focused on positive things where I feel powerful.

    I am working toward calling my turn of events—LIFE. Not what my evil ex “did to me” but what LIFE- that great spiritual force- conjured up to challenge me to be better. Better than I would have been otherwise, better than I will be if I wallow.

    I had dreams and expectations but LIFE, the all powerful, rushed in and asked me to live a different story. I am going to live it the very damn best that I know how, it is a second chance. I don’t have an ounce to spare! I am going to show LIFE just how much I am made of!

    • Mary January 18, 2019 at 4:27 pm - Reply

      Love this post! Well said!!!

    • Myra March 4, 2019 at 3:12 pm - Reply

      Also, love this post. This is what is actually going on if you can get past the analysis.

  10. Cheryl Wilson January 18, 2019 at 4:50 pm - Reply

    Warrior women unite! I am 52 and was married for 22 years. Now I have run 5Ks, a half-marathon, just joined CrossFit, lost weight, wear my hair shorter, laugh more, joke more, not afraid to speak my mind. It is so nice not having the toxic ex around to kill my mojo! My kids love Mom 2.0! My friends enjoy me more and I enjoy them more too!

  11. Linda Rigsby January 22, 2019 at 12:49 am - Reply

    I will be a warrior by continuing to live the power of truth. To be the same person to kids kids and grandkids extended family and friends as I’ve always been. I will be a warrior woman by continuing to pray for my children continuing to work and stay focused on not losing it and being swallowed by the pain. I will be a warrior by loving all those left around me with all that I have. I will be transparent share my grief as needed and go on in strength. I will be a warrior by showing my son and my daughters how to remain honorable when you have been blindsided, betrayed & abandoned. I will be a warrior by being me. Conquering my fears and continuing life knowing I AM valuable -although to do so requires private tears prayers and so much faith! I will be a warrior by keeping my faith when my feelings and emotions say otherwise. I will be a warrior by being a strong mother dependable trustworthy & consistent. Even when I feel so broken at times. This is the remedy to keep going. To overcome. Lastly. – be a warrior by making yourself THANK GOD FOR THE GOOD THATS IN YOUR FUTURE THAT YOU DO NOT YET SEE !

    • Gee February 16, 2019 at 7:15 am - Reply

      Linda, your words resonate with how I feel and where I am at at this moment. Everyday I remind myself of the same mantras. Most days, I have wobble or battle moments, when my thoughts consume me with torturing images of my the father of my children, my partner of 18yrs and his new girlfriend and life that they are now living. The pain, hurt and guilt I feel for the breakdown of my family is at times crippling, but I fight each time, to bring my thoughts back to all that I am and want to be. What I have to be, for myself and my son and daughter. This is the most hardest time of my life, I give myself and my pain to God daily, but it’s so hard. I am doing everything I can do, to claw my way back into a happy bright future, but the devil keeps attacking my thoughts. I know I will get through this, I know this is a process, I pray to God often to give my the strength to get through it.
      I can’t wait to get out to the other side, to have peace, to not care about what my ex is doing or have any feelings towards him. I look forward to the day when I can love myself and love my new life that I am creating for me and my children

  12. AAS April 22, 2019 at 2:53 pm - Reply

    Great article! I was married when i was 21.i was with my ex around 14months.In these months,he betrayed me a lot..As i am from Banglades., a lot of things has happened to divorced girls especially mentally torture by closeone. Now i want to a person who will not beg to anyone for love & care. I wanna to be a strong person with proper financial background . I want to bring changes to the girls of the world and to travel many places ovf the world.

    • AAS April 22, 2019 at 2:54 pm - Reply

      Great article! I was married when i was 21.i was with my ex around 14months.In these months,he betrayed me a lot..As i am from Bangladesh., a lot of things has happened to divorced girls especially mentally torture by closeone. Now i want to a person who will not beg to anyone for love & care. I wanna to be a strong person with proper financial background . I want to bring changes to the girls of the world and to travel many places ovf the world.

  13. Natalia May 17, 2019 at 3:56 pm - Reply

    I was married for 18 years and almost two years past divorce now. It is getting a bit easier overtime but the healing process is painfully slow. I loved reading all the comments to this article. It is a good feeling knowing there are so many of us in the same boat fighting for our lives. My idea of being a warrior woman right now is get up and go to work every day and do my best. Take care of myself and my daughter the best I can. Not drown in self pity and despair. Pay attention to how I am feeling and honor myself. One step at a time. I’ve read lots of books and articles and listened to lots of podcasts on healing and becoming more self-confident. I now know that no matter what he does or says, it doesn’t matter. What matters is what I do or say. It’s my life. What I think and feel matters. I am determined to become whole again and live a good life. I am determined to enjoy my life. To live here and now.

  14. Barb May 26, 2019 at 6:39 pm - Reply

    I have been divorced for five years, however I live in the South. Divorced, even from abuse, means losing friends and opportunities here such as jobs and even volunteer work. Has anyone successfully overcome (without the control deciding for you) from similar circumstances? I’ve healed much from the marriage but this mindset is not something I anticipated.

  15. Maria June 11, 2019 at 1:00 pm - Reply

    From this moment own I am taking ownership of my life – past, present and future – all of it.

    I will define my own life. The single cruelest thing John did was to steal my memories – he never really loved me, our family trips were not happy healthy times….

    He made me question my sense of reality. I thought we fell in love, that we married, loved each other, had five children, held our youngest as she died shortly after birth, raised four beautiful, strong successful women, beat cancer, enjoyed family traditions, worked hard, built a beautiful home – lived and loved, I’m taking it back! Love was and will always be what I lived.

    I will live love each day and that will build my future – whatever comes. I will believe in love, This is the life God has given me and it is beautiful. God is love.

    This is the day the Lord has made.

  16. Kristi June 19, 2019 at 12:50 am - Reply

    Goals? Dreams? What do I want to be? I was abused emotionally, physically, and sexually by my mother when I was growing up. She planned everthing about my life: clothes, friends (or lack thereof), activities, college, wedding, everything. Then when I was married, my husband was emotionally abusive keeping me from my sisters and other friends. After close to 34 years of marriage, he left. Now, at 62, I have no idea what my passion is. I am estranged from my children thanks to my husband’s badmouthing me (and he was the cheater!), I have no friends and have learned not to trust anyone. I lost my home, my family, my neighbors, and my job only to live in a small rental with my dog. I have tried to think about what I like – or used to like. Do I feel like a warrior woman? Far from it. She would beat me up. And I would know I deserve it.

Leave A Comment