Finding Your Identity After Divorce

Finding Your Identity After Divorce

2018-01-10T18:10:28+00:00

“If you look to someone else to establish your identity for you, losing that person can really make you feel destroyed.” ~ Newman & Berkowitz’s, How to Be Your Own Best Friend. 

Being The Mrs.

For 33 years, my identity was wrapped up in being Mrs. TGS. That’s who I was; his wife. That’s how I defined myself for most of my adult life. So when the role that I had identified myself with for so long ended, I was lost. I felt destroyed, betrayed and defeated.

I began to reflect internally on the things in my life I identified myself with. I wasn’t just my wasband’s wife. I was (and am) my children’s mother, my brother’s sister, my friends’ friend and my company’s employee, to name a few. Mrs. was just one of my many titles.

A Child Of God

But, I’ve come to realize that who we are goes way, way beyond our titles. Who we are is a complete, whole and competent person who enjoys relationships, but who also lives above them. Regardless of what happens in all of those interactions, I am first and foremost a perfectly loved and cherished child of the living God of the universe.

I was created by God with a unique and powerful set of gifts and traits. These attributes were given to me for a purpose that enriches my relationships, but is not restricted by them. The most important thing is that God created me and loves me completely in spite of what happens in any of my human relationships.

The Freedom To Love Without Fear

God’s unrestricted love gives me the freedom to completely and fully love others in a way that gives them the freedom to either accept or reject that love. If they reject it, that doesn’t diminish me. I will be okay whatever they decide to do with the love that God has given me to share.

It is the freest, and most powerful way to live because no person’s actions can destroy who I am at my core: a beloved child of God who is confident and complete in the constant love that can never be destroyed.

“This love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us …” ~ 1 John 4:10a (NLT)

About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.