None of us have time to waste being unhappy. We have to grieve. That’s a given; but eventually, we can choose happiness again … and usually, the sooner the better.
“I don’t think we have time to waste being unhappy.” Helen in Everyday Sacred by Sue Bender
The Helen quoted in the book above had just lost her house and everything in it to a fire. She had not, however, lost her attitude that something good could come from every circumstance of life … even something as devastating as losing all of her earthly possessions. She went on to say that the fire had made her more aware of what really matters in life, and that one of the gifts of the fire experience was that it “fine tunes my attitude about the remainder of my life.” Why be unhappy about the things that can be changed? Instead of being unhappy, do something about that situation to make it better. Why be unhappy about the things that can not be changed? We can’t do anything about something that can’t be changed, so why waste time being down about it? So that doesn’t leave anything to be unhappy about. At first I thought, that’s easier for her to say … she still has her husband. But I also thought, I still have my children, my friends, my extended family, my co-workers, and people I haven’t even met yet. Helen was able to be content after losing every physical thing she owned except what was on her back and in her purse. During my divorce I wasted time being unhappy about losing physical things. In the long run, those things are not really important. They only feel important when you think about having to give them up. But if you have to, you have to, and being unhappy and bitter and angry about it doesn’t help. Think instead about every single good thing you still have in your life that can never be taken from you … by fire, by divorce, or by anything else. Like Helen, I’ve decided I don’t have time to waste being unhappy about anything, either.
“Who then can ever keep Christ’s love from us? When we have trouble or calamity, when we are hungry, or penniless, or in danger or even threatened with death, has God deserted us? … Nothing can ever separate us from His love. Death can’t and life can’t. The angels won’t and all the powers of hell itself cannot keep God’s love away. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, or where we are–high above the sky, or in the deepest ocean–nothing will ever be able to separate us from the love of God …” Romans 8:35;38-39.
Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.