Speak Up for Yourself During and After Divorce

2018-01-10T18:10:47+00:00

During divorce women often are afraid to speak up.  We have often lost our confidence.  We wonder if we will come off as shrill when we are simply expressing our opinions and standing up for ourselves. We worry especially during that agonizing process of divorce.

As women, especially women who are going through divorce, we often talk a lot, but we don’t speak up enough.  We often talk under the radar.  We feel as though we don’t have as much right to be taken seriously as others, especially our ex or soon-to-be-ex.  That needs to change.

In my generation’s culture, we were sometimes not encouraged to value our own voice enough and to give more attention to what others wanted us to say.  During my own marriage, I tended to put some of my own desires in the background, either to keep the peace or because I was not as confident in their importance as I should have been.

Here’s a great quote from a great little book entitled, How to Be Your Own Best Friend.  “It’s important to learn to listen to ourselves.  Most of us learn to tune ourselves out … Tuning in again takes practice; we have to encourage ourselves to speak up.  If we’ve stopped listening to our own voice for a long time, that voice may be very faint; it may have half given up.”  Has your voice given up?  Now is the time to get it back!

Through this divorce journey, one of the good things I have learned is that I need to be bold enough to speak out.  I don’t have to be unkind or arrogant or pushy, but I do need to be confident that my thoughts and ideas have as much value as any one else’s.  I need to learn to speak in a clear, concise, confident voice.  And I need to speak loudly enough so others can hear.  (No more mumbling, or speaking softly so people don’t think our words mean anything.)  Don’t ramble on endlessly without saying anything that matters, either.

There is a fine line of give and take in all conversations. As women on the road to a better, brighter life, let’s all listen to ourselves and speak up when we should.  We have valuable lessons to pass on.  We have helpful insights to share.  We have rights we need to stand up for.  We’ve been given a voice … now let’s use it for our own good and the good of those we care about.

“Don’t be bluffed into silence by the threats of bullies.  There’s nothing they can do to your soul, your core being.  Save your fear for God who holds your entire life — body and soul — in his hands.”  Matthew 10:28 (The Message)

About the Author:

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.

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